Grandma
Life is an extremely weird, yet beautiful substance. Is it truly possible to totally explain Life? Amazing. Beautiful. Gut-wrenching. Odd. Hard. Wonderful. Although we may not be able to have a simple explanation of the feelings of Life, it's safe to say that it is all of those things.
Recently we were given some hard news in regards to my grandmother's health, and the time frame of her life. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. I wrestle with questions that come to mind everyday. How could this be? How can someone so nice, end up with a fate so harsh? That also leads my mind into wondering, well if I feel this way, then certainly what goes through my grandmother's mind, knowing her time here is extremely limited...to days even...?
When I started this post a week ago, that's what we were facing. As I'm writing now, my grandma has left us. Just. That. Fast. There's a whirlwind of emotions that I'm experiencing right now. One day I'm fine, the next I'm not. I thought I was done crying, but yesterday's eve was very hard for me. I experienced feelings that I could not control. I can't imagine what my aunts are feelings, especially my mom, because I can't fathom the pain of losing a parent.
About 3 weeks ago, my grandma went into the hospital complaining of a stomach ache. After multiple tests, we found out cancer had taken over her whole body, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. She faced a plethora of health issues over the years, which consequently lead to cancer setting in. From the time she went into the hospital, cancer rapidly took over her body, more and more with each day. She couldn't even eat after a certain point, because a tumor was blocking her pathways, not allowing anything to pass through. Anyone who knows my grandma, knows she loves to eat lol, it was practically one of her hobbies! And Yet through all of this pain and hard knowledge, not once did you see her shift her character.
Although her physical body was getting weaker, her spirit was nothing short of magnificent. She was still talking to us, joking with us, watching her stories on tv, and lighting up soon as Lou came through her door. But most of all, her Faith not once wavered. She said God's got her, he has the final say, and that she was taking each day as it came, because each day has it's own set of problems. In her lasts days, Grandma showed me what it meant to be a true believer in the Sun. She wasn't fearful, she remained stead-fast on God, never focusing on the negative, showing love and genuine concern for others EVEN in her own turmoil. I have to say Thank You to her, because I didn't know my faith was as strong until I saw those traits through her, and learning her outcome. I never once stopped rejoicing God for the time we had with her on this earth, and basking in those lasts moments with her. Because of her, my faith increased.
I truly believe she knew something major was going on within her body weeks prior to going in the hospital. I also believe she was holding on for us, more specifically her daughters while in the hospital. After a week in the hospital, she came home in hospice care, and not even being home a full week, her health declined, her thought process got slower, she could hardly stay awake because of pain medicine, and on Wednesday, October 3rd, she fully transitioned. I believe the night prior she had already left our realm, her spirit was in God's hands but she not fully in heaven yet. I believe she was still holding on for her children. She needed to hear that they would be okay. The following day, once that was whispered to her by some, and by the last daughter, she took her final breath, and ascended from us.
Through this sadness, I can't help but continue to feel a strong sense of peace. I am urged to believe that there are blessings and healing, whether on this side or the next. I know she is no longer in pain, and I'm sure she is even happier now than she ever was here on this earth. I believe God gives us a memory to use for our Good and His, not to dwell on the negative happenings in life. He allows us to create beautiful moments together, that are everlasting, and that help to keep us going. Each of us has our own account and experience with her, that is unique to them, neither less valued or over valued. My grandma was a breath of fresh air for me. I will always remember, her taking me to McDonalds when I was smaller to see my mom at work, sitting on her porch alongside her, seeing her in that favorite recliner of hers, those hard juicy kisses she gave, and especially her loving on Lou like he was a piece of candy! In her sickness and in her death, it has caused my eyes to be open even more to truths, what really matters and what doesn't, and to eat those crab legs if you want them,
because she never got hers before going into the hospital haha!
Remember that grief and pain is not meant to be dealt with alone. We were not made to do life alone, and that's a fact. Talk to someone you can trust, lean on them if you have to, cry with them if need be, release that energy, because it is not meant to stay inside. I am so thankful to have friends, that are family because they text me everyday, they've called me, and most of all shown their love for me. I will most certainly do the same for them when and if they need it.
Someone recently told me, God picks the prettiest flowers, and that statement couldn't be more true.
Love you forever,
Grandchild #10 💜
P.S. - Deborah and I are going to get some crab legs just for you grandma, even though we know you probably have all the crab legs you want in heaven!! Thanks for allowing me to have your name too 💜
Recently we were given some hard news in regards to my grandmother's health, and the time frame of her life. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. I wrestle with questions that come to mind everyday. How could this be? How can someone so nice, end up with a fate so harsh? That also leads my mind into wondering, well if I feel this way, then certainly what goes through my grandmother's mind, knowing her time here is extremely limited...to days even...?
When I started this post a week ago, that's what we were facing. As I'm writing now, my grandma has left us. Just. That. Fast. There's a whirlwind of emotions that I'm experiencing right now. One day I'm fine, the next I'm not. I thought I was done crying, but yesterday's eve was very hard for me. I experienced feelings that I could not control. I can't imagine what my aunts are feelings, especially my mom, because I can't fathom the pain of losing a parent.
About 3 weeks ago, my grandma went into the hospital complaining of a stomach ache. After multiple tests, we found out cancer had taken over her whole body, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. She faced a plethora of health issues over the years, which consequently lead to cancer setting in. From the time she went into the hospital, cancer rapidly took over her body, more and more with each day. She couldn't even eat after a certain point, because a tumor was blocking her pathways, not allowing anything to pass through. Anyone who knows my grandma, knows she loves to eat lol, it was practically one of her hobbies! And Yet through all of this pain and hard knowledge, not once did you see her shift her character.
Although her physical body was getting weaker, her spirit was nothing short of magnificent. She was still talking to us, joking with us, watching her stories on tv, and lighting up soon as Lou came through her door. But most of all, her Faith not once wavered. She said God's got her, he has the final say, and that she was taking each day as it came, because each day has it's own set of problems. In her lasts days, Grandma showed me what it meant to be a true believer in the Sun. She wasn't fearful, she remained stead-fast on God, never focusing on the negative, showing love and genuine concern for others EVEN in her own turmoil. I have to say Thank You to her, because I didn't know my faith was as strong until I saw those traits through her, and learning her outcome. I never once stopped rejoicing God for the time we had with her on this earth, and basking in those lasts moments with her. Because of her, my faith increased.
I truly believe she knew something major was going on within her body weeks prior to going in the hospital. I also believe she was holding on for us, more specifically her daughters while in the hospital. After a week in the hospital, she came home in hospice care, and not even being home a full week, her health declined, her thought process got slower, she could hardly stay awake because of pain medicine, and on Wednesday, October 3rd, she fully transitioned. I believe the night prior she had already left our realm, her spirit was in God's hands but she not fully in heaven yet. I believe she was still holding on for her children. She needed to hear that they would be okay. The following day, once that was whispered to her by some, and by the last daughter, she took her final breath, and ascended from us.
Through this sadness, I can't help but continue to feel a strong sense of peace. I am urged to believe that there are blessings and healing, whether on this side or the next. I know she is no longer in pain, and I'm sure she is even happier now than she ever was here on this earth. I believe God gives us a memory to use for our Good and His, not to dwell on the negative happenings in life. He allows us to create beautiful moments together, that are everlasting, and that help to keep us going. Each of us has our own account and experience with her, that is unique to them, neither less valued or over valued. My grandma was a breath of fresh air for me. I will always remember, her taking me to McDonalds when I was smaller to see my mom at work, sitting on her porch alongside her, seeing her in that favorite recliner of hers, those hard juicy kisses she gave, and especially her loving on Lou like he was a piece of candy! In her sickness and in her death, it has caused my eyes to be open even more to truths, what really matters and what doesn't, and to eat those crab legs if you want them,
because she never got hers before going into the hospital haha!
Remember that grief and pain is not meant to be dealt with alone. We were not made to do life alone, and that's a fact. Talk to someone you can trust, lean on them if you have to, cry with them if need be, release that energy, because it is not meant to stay inside. I am so thankful to have friends, that are family because they text me everyday, they've called me, and most of all shown their love for me. I will most certainly do the same for them when and if they need it.
Someone recently told me, God picks the prettiest flowers, and that statement couldn't be more true.
Love you forever,
Grandchild #10 💜
P.S. - Deborah and I are going to get some crab legs just for you grandma, even though we know you probably have all the crab legs you want in heaven!! Thanks for allowing me to have your name too 💜
Beautiful ��
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post. So heart felt, as you continue to go on each day, it’s ok to go through every emotion that you experience. It’s also ok to be present in that. Use those emotions to fuel your drive and ambitions!! You’re an amazing mother , sister-friend, wife and all of the above! 💙
ReplyDelete