STOP! Love You, Love Life, Love Women

  When it comes to being open about my life, I feel I'm pretty candid about things (when asked lol) or depending on the direction of a convo. Although there are a few things I keep private, because it's either too personal or deals with family. We can all respect each other for that or at least we should. This morning I read a post from someone very dear to my heart, and she inspired me to tell my story. So, there was this one time in life back in 2014 when I literally almost died. Here's my truth...

  Let me start out by saying I've been married for almost 6 years. Yes, I was only 19. Yes, I know I was young and I still am. So let's get that out of the way, and you can miss me with all the negativity about that, because I've been through all that already and heard it all before. THANKS! I said all that to say I've only had one partner, which is my husband, so I had no prior experiences before him. Back in 2012 months before I got or even knew I was going to get married AND move to GA, I took it upon myself to go to the OB/GYN for the very first time. My mother didn't tell me to go, she hadn't even thought about it honestly, I guess she didn't know. I decided to go, because I knew my family's history of fibroids. If you didn't know, fibroids are hereditary! Ladies, get to know your family history, it's so important!!!!!!!! There's a huge misconception to not go see the OB/GYN unless you're sexually active, or until you think something's wrong, or even bigger YOU'RE PREGNANT! THAT SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE THE FIRST TIME YOU STEP FOOT INTO THEIR OFFICE!!!!!!! So I go see the doctor and I tell them about my family history and I REQUESTED an ultrasound of my uterine area. Guess what, they found a fibroid, that appeared to be steadily growing, at the time it was small. They then prescribed me some very expensive vitamins to take off a period of time, that had to be specially ordered. The purpose of the vitamins was to stunt the growth of the fibroid. 

  As stated above my husband was my only partner, and only experience, every time we were intimate there was pain, not your fantasized "good" pain nope this was different. But me being young I didn't know that wasn't a normal feeling. So fast forward to 2014 and that "pain" progressed at this time I knew there was something wrong. It wasn't until I started feeling really sick, and having stomach/abdominal pain constantly throughout the day that I was really alarmed. My symptoms started to get even worse, my stomach was constantly bloated (yes I had a lil meat on my bones then but I never had a stomach lol). Not only was I bloated but I was "urinating" every 15-30 mins even when I wasn't drinking anything. We spent many days in urgent care, being sent to so many doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me. These doctors had me take so many pregnancy tests because they thought that's what it was, and they had never seen anyone with my symptoms. During all of this it didn't even dawn on me that back in 2012 I was diagnosed with a fibroid. So after weeks of the back and forth nonsense it came to me to tell the doctor I was seeing about the fibroid. Next I get an ultrasound and it shows the fibroid. But because this wasn't the doctor I was seeing specialty she didn't really know the depth of what she was looking at so I was referred to an OB/GYN where my husband was stationed. Let me tell you this lady was CRAZY! She was trying to kill me. She says, "Well you need surgery to remove the fibroid, I don't know exactly how I'm going to go about it, but there's going to be a lot of blood and there is a possibility that it may not go well." I'm thinking so this is how it's going to end for me, with this red haired white lady killing me and her office is dirty, and I'm in GA away from my doctor/family all because my husband decided to join the Navy. I knew right then that I had to get up out of there. We actually ended up finding a wonder specialist in GA who literally saved my life. I owe my life (really God though) to this lady. 

  Dr. Jordan was the doctor I ended up seeing last in GA. By this time my whole body hurt, even to stand for too long. We had been given the run around by other doctors for maybe 2 months. So I explain, what's going on to her, and go through series of tests and ultrasounds. She then proceeds to tell my husband and I that my fibroid has grown so large that it's taking over her screen because that's all she sees. Remember that "urinating" I was doing every 15-30 mins, yeah it wasn't pee. She explained that it was vital fluid that my body needed in order to sustain itself and my organs. Dr. Jordan sat with us, consoled us, and gave us a very hard truth. She told us that there was no way I would survive another 6 weeks if we didn't have emergency surgery because I was losing too much fluid and the fibroid was taking all my nutrients and blood supply. She told us that we obviously believed in God because there's no way that I was alive. I was so scared. I didn't want to have my surgery in GA away from my family. I was going to ask my VA doctor to perform my surgery (whose name is Dr. Jordan too btw) but honestly there wasn't enough time. We prayed about it for a couple days and realized my GA doctor was the right choice. We knew she was a fellow believer by the things she would say to us inner appointments, so we gained comfort in that. Besides her breaking the harsh truth to us, she was the sweetest person and her spirit embraced the room in which she graced. 

  In May 2014, I had my very first surgery, and that was to save my life because of a fibroid. Initially, my surgery was to consist of a small bikini line incision to remove the fibroid, but because my fibroid was even bigger than the doctor saw previously, I had to have a vertical incision about 2 inches from my navel button down to about 1 inch from my vagina. I basically had an old school C-Section but instead of removing a baby it was a fibroid. Dr. Jordan told us my fibroid was covering my organs and she couldn't see any of them because it was the size of a dinner plate, and it was attached so hard to my uterus that surgery took longer than expected. Also that I only lost about a half pint of blood which is rare. She said she had never seen anyone so young go through what I did, and that I was her worse case with fibroids. Because of the intensity of the surgery I stayed in the hospital for a very long week and had restrictions once I came home. 

I am forever grateful for both Dr. Jordans. 

  My surgery however, left my feeling less than a woman. I would never be able to have a "traditional" or vaginal delivery because my body simply can't handle it. That's all you ever see/hear about labor and delivery, the contractions, the water breaking, the pushing. Although none of that is easy, but that's the "glorified" version of pregnancy. For so long people made you feel like you weren't a "real" mother for that. But it makes you an even stronger woman in my opinion for having a C-Section. The pain and recovery you have to go through is endless. I wanted to experience the "natural" way of child birth so bad but I couldn't, and I never would be able to. I was told I should not have kids after 27 and no more than 3 max. And I should never go into active labor because of how sensitive my walls are. I had to get over all of that, and realize I would be no less and I am no less of a mother than someone who experienced a vaginal delivery. All babies are babies, and ALL mother's are real mother's no matter your experience. 

  My pregnancy was not an easy one because of intense swelling I experienced, and the pain of my scar stretching from my surgery a year prior. I was warned of course about the possibility of my scar bursting. Thankfully it didn't but it sure felt like it was. First pregnancies tend to have a smaller belly growth, second pregnancies not so much. My belly grew very huge because my body thought I was experiencing my second pregnancy because of the invasive fibroid surgery. But the pain alone that I experienced during pregnancy is enough to make me not want to experience it again. If I were to have another baby it would be my 3rd surgery in the same spot. I think I'm good on that lol. I love my baby boy so much because he is the evidence of rebirth for myself, and how great life truly is. 

  You never know what some women have to go through, just to give birth or even conceive. You don't know the pain behind their story, or the pain within their story that is still being written out. Do not condemn another woman because of the "decisions" she's decided to make. Not all decisions are a choice, some decisions are made for us, whether we want them or not. So if someone does have kids, love on those kids and the mother. If someone doesn't have kids   love on that person and not look down upon them. If someone only has a certain amount of kids, don't tell them how many they "should" have. It's their life and it's constantly being written. I get told at least once a week to have another child, or why don't want another one. First of all you don't know what I've been through, and who are you to write my story?!!!!! AND you're not the one having this sed baby, or taking care of the child. Most of the people who make these unwarranted comments are the ones who don't stick around once the baby is born anyaways, so they are DISMISSED! 

  The point of this post is to bring self awareness to your body, to listen to it and to be afraid. And to LOVE one another especially woman to woman, and not condemn one another, because the tables could be turned. UPLIFT one another and truly get to know each other first. And don't give unsolicited comments or advice because quite frankly is 2018 it's old and annoying! When are we going to stop giving each other those downing questions and comments?????!!!

SIGNED

~Sprinkle of Rae a REAL MOTHER who currently doesn't want another baby! 

P.S.

THANKS Mrs Megan for always being real and speaking your truth and The Truth! I never like telling this story because it brings memories and paint times but that's okay. It's my truth...💜