EXHALE

  Weekend before last we celebrated our baby boy's 2nd birthday! I know 2 isn't old at all, but in my mommy head it is! I still cannot believe it. I'm sure I will be saying this for the rest of his life haha, and that's okay!

  But honestly these first 2 years has been nothing short of an up and down battle. I haven't shared much about the struggles of our parenthood journey. I don't know, if it was because of the fear of negative responses, or those overly opinionated responses that often follow, once you open up and let people see inside of what's going on. In many ways when you're going through things, you often times feel like you're a failure or you're failing your child, when you can't help them the way that you desire. 

  I've noticed though, that having that mindset whether intentional or unintentionally sulking into it triggers something in the universe...negatively. When I fall into that thinking, it seems like there are more negative outcomes, or maybe those unwanted things that are happening are just magnified. At first it's easier to succumb to the negative mind frame than to combat it with positivity and life speaking words/thoughts. 

  In as little time as our son has been on this earth, we've dealt with multiple tongue and lip ties (all over the top and bottom of his mouth TWICE), constant vomiting (not your regular puke, RANDOM projectile scary movie type stuff!), reflux, not using the bathroom for weeks, him not eating for months (which we are currently in), and solely surviving off Rice Milk and now it's white grape juice, and him having multiple scopes. (Huge sigh as I exhale only to take in another breath) He’s gone through weight drops. Also he's been on various medicines, and him having mysterious white spots on his esophagus, that we are being told comes from a dairy allergy, but the little guy doesn't drink anything with dairy and HECK he surely isn't eating anything with dairy, because he DOESN'T eat. He's also currently attending food therapy. 

  So as you probably thought, that's a lot for one baby to go through. But it's been a lot for us too. It brings about frustration, wrapped in so many other feelings at times. Although I've learned and I am still learning to catch my negative thoughts. I also remember that we do not have to go through this alone. There's a whole community of parents who may be going through something similar, or have already been through it, who can provide comfort, answers or even better, they may know someone who can help. 

  But I wrote this to say to mothers (and DADS too because y'all are sometimes the ones forgotten) out there DO NOT give up! Even when things are seemingly getting worse or just not getting any better, DO NOT GIVE UP! When you feel like you are about to lose it, talk to someone POSITIVE whose close to you.  I'm saying all of this to everyone, but I think I'm really saying it to myself too, because it gets really hard. There are days when the weight of everything gets so heavy on your shoulders (and mind), and you're left with no real answers. You're left smiling, but truthfully you're banging your head up against a wall on the inside. I know first hand, that there is no greater hurt than not knowing what's wrong with your baby, and not knowing what to do to help them. It gets very hard at times, you want to cry, and sometimes you do...and THAT’S OKAY! Once again I’m constantly telling myself this as well. 

EXHALE

It's okay to rest your weary head, but don't give up...



~ Lou Hayden's Mommy...🌞💜👑






P.S. 

Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve done. I hate when people say but YOU made that decision to have a baby; well didn't YOU make the decision to accept that job you're in BUT IT'S STILL HARD SOME DAYS AND EXHAUSTING!!!!! But parenting pulls forth every emotion you could and have ever experienced. But I mean it in the most joyous ways possible. It’s the most confusing, satisfying, tear jerking, yet most fulfilling experiences all in one. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve accomplished in life. 

But nobody’s is willing to talk about the ugly parts of this journey. We only see the mother that’s well dressed or the perfect baby back Carrier whose getting the job done. (Which btw I could never figure my wraps/carriers out) But what about those days when you’re falling apart your baby won’t stop crying and your anxiety is more than you can handle. Remember you’re not alone. There is NO perfect parent or child. You are imperfectly perfect and that’s fine! Basque in that because you’re getting the job done.